Originally published at customerservant.com. You can comment here or there.

I really hate it when people go through life either not knowing enough about themselves to determine what kind of person they are, or who spend their time criticising others for exhibiting the same traits they themselves exhibit.
So, in the interest of helping my fellow man put themselves on the right side of the injunction to “know thyself”, I’ve come up with this little guide.
This will help you to determine whether or not you’re a ho, the type of person that seems to be very much a part of our daily lives, yet for some reason has defied definition for way too long.
Ordinarily, I would be discussing this with John, but since some moron decided it could be construed as sexual harassment by someone who could find it offensive, that was pretty much tabled.
Thanks Mike for ruining all the fun, although we know you aren’t responsible for the idiocy.
And now, on with the list.

  • You rent out your bed space;
  • You have an ATM machine in your bedroom;
  • The first thing you say after sex is “next!”
  • You keep a menu above your bed which lists the sexual favors you offer, with pricing;
  • You’ve hired greeters to post themselves at your bedroom door;
  • Your welcome mat is placed at your bedroom door instead of your front door;
  • Your bedroom door is a turn-style
  • During a job interview, you ask if knee pads are part of the benefits package;
  • Your ankles have to write letters to each other in order to keep up to speed on everything that’s happened since they’ve been apart;
  • You’ve posted a “Now serving” sign on your bedroom door;
  • You’ve taught your children to ask “Are you my daddy,” every time you introduce them to a man;
  • You list whip cream, condoms and edible underwear as business expenses when filing your taxes;
  • you list every place you’ve “parked” as places of employment on your resume;
  • You refer to your sexual partners as “streams of income”;
  • You’ve hired an accountant to keep track of the number of sexual partners you’ve had;
  • You’d sit at work, but you find you’re more comfortable on your knees;
  • You’ve chosen a nickname that doubles as a term for a sexual favor;
  • You refer to your sex toy collection as “job resources”;
  • You refer to the Kama Sutra as a beginners’ manual;
  • You name your children after cars you wish you could “park” in.

Did i miss something?
If you think so, leave your suggestion in the comments.

As seen at Third World County, Gribbit’s Word, Stop The ACLU, Dianne’s Stuff, and Stuck On Stupid.

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